EULOGY by her son - Dr. David Whitaker PhD DMH DHyp PNLP Hello friends, I am so pleased you could all be here today to pay tribute to my mother Mrs. Betty Whitaker. I want you to know that this is not an occasion to feel sad, she would not want us to feel sad at all, because she is no longer alive. No, I know that she would want us to be happy that we can come together here to celebrate her full life, and to remember just what she meant to us in our own way. More of her work colleagues and friends would have been here today to pay tribute to a full and active life - but because of her determination and fighting spirit she outlived them all, you see and so they cannot be here with us today. I am sure they will be looking down from above and smiling in gratitude for Betty's friendship. On the surface, my mother, Betty would not impress many as an extraordinary person. She was not showy, she did not dress flash and wear lots of bling jewellery, it was just not her thing. She lived simply - always serving others generously. Never wanting much for herself. She was a loving wife and mother, a very capable homemaker, a good kind soul. But beneath her mortal cover, Betty was truly remarkable in many ways. In her heart was excessive love, unyielding faith and belief in me. This helped to keep me going during some tough times. Betty was also dedicated to her sister in Australia, Dorothy - writing a letter every week to keep her informed and up-to-date as to what was going on here in the UK. Betty valued her independence and travelled extensively. She finally found her niche in the little village of Great Brickhill just outside of Milton Keynes City area in the beautiful Buckinghamshire countryside where she would live out the rest of her life. She chose to live alone in her bungalow. She had a great view from her bedroom window of rolling countryside and farms. Very peaceful it was for her after a very hard and busy life - working, running a home and raising me. The end came quite quickly, within a matter of a few months and she did not suffer any pain at the end, only some difficulty in breathing. Eleven days before Christmas mum collapsed in her kitchen, was found by the rubbish men - I must give tribute to them for their help, who called the ambulance and was rushed to Milton Keynes hospital. She stayed there recovering for a week, and then because she was bored she asked to come to spend Christmas with us, her family. She recovered enough to be able to come and stay with us for Christmas - in fact this has been one of the best Christmases we ever had. She was happy to be able to meet and talk with my wife's 2 youngest daughters Mwenya and Chilufya - they really brightened mum up a lot. And she brighten us up. Mum defended her independence - She refused any kind of molly coddling. The doctors did a good job despite the complications - she had severe difficulty in breathing. In the last few months of her life, we witnessed how her health had quickly deteriorated. What we could do was to make her as comfortable as possible during the last few weeks of her life. Bwalya really helped wonderfully as my mother became weaker and weaker. Despite serious health problems she managed to stay with us through Christmas and into this New Year . Wonderful really! Her determined fighting never-give -in spirit was always there up till the end. She lived to the age of 87. One of my mum's greatest passions was her sincere dedication and support of the RSPB and RSPCA charities all the way up to her death. She supported numerous animal and bird causes. She loved animals and often watched nature programs on TV. As a child my mother had just the minimum of schooling before joining the army to serve during WW2 as a driver and on the searchlights spotting enemy aircraft - she even was awarded some meddles for her good service. Later on, after the war, Mum trained to become what we would call today a computer operator and enjoyed the work, but she had an ambitious nature - always seeking a better position. She had some good friends in her various places of work, yet she outlived them all. Always seeking to improve she took a better position when it became available. Mum made up for her early lack of school certificates. She had a very bright intelligent mind, as well as a lovely gentle personality. She did various courses and gained a degree in Sociology, later in life. She was a great student. Mum loved travel, she took us around the world to Australia and back. She had to scrimp and save to do it. Thanks to her efforts by the time she reached the age of 41 and I was just 16 we had done 4 round-the- world cruises, Yes 4 cruises! Thanks to her we visited many countries and throughout Europe. She visited Bombay India and Colombo in Ceylon as it was then called, now called Shri Lanka, she visited beautiful Bhuddist Temples there. She visited the Cairo Museum Egypt and saw the Tutankhamun treasures, and went inside the huge Pyramids, dined in the luxurious Hilton hotel in Alexandria, and rode on a camel in the Egyptian desert. Mum toured around Paris and though France, she saw Munich and the Black Forest region in Germany - visiting the beautiful King Ludvig Castles in Bavaria and then onto enjoy scenic Austria. She saw Naples and Greece, the Sintra Palace outside Lisbon in Portugal and rode a donkey on holiday in Yugoslavia. She has done a lot more in her life than many people realise. What else can I say about Mum? I can tell you she was a truly dedicated mother to me and all through her life making sure I had everything I needed. When I was a child we were not a wealthy family, Money was tight, she worked hard and spent all of her earnings on sending me to one of the best Christian schools in the area - she really inspired in me a love of learning, a good work ethic and a strong desire to get on and do well in life. Marvellous! She showed her love in many practical ways. We always had a strong bond together, helping me financially when I got into serious difficulties as many have been recently. She never let me down. She always believed in me even when I was going through a testing time and not at my best. My only regret is that I did not thank her enough for her help. She befriended others as well and made friends easily. She had the wonderful knack of making everybody feel comfortable around her. She touched many hearts. One of the people she helped at a bad time in his life was so grateful for the help he had in getting work that he gave her, as a thank you gift, a small pet dog, a lovely Chihuahua. The dog was a lot of fun, we had her for 14 years until she went to doggy heaven. But my mother was no soft touch - in fact she was very shrewd and savvy and very careful with her money. Yet she loathed spending money on herself. Her needs were simple, she lived very simply indeed. Extremely thrifty all through her life - living very efficiently, never wasting anything. We can all learn some valuable lessons from how she lived her life. Over the years she continually invested wisely and built up a very good nest egg for her old age, the rewards of hard work. In fact she was very well off in her 30 years of retirement. She enjoyed her retirement- she often said to me "Every day is a holiday, David" Being her only child, I was often the beneficiary of her generosity. The irony was that by her generous giving of practical love has now made me a more grateful and down to Earth human being in every facet of my life. She never moaned or complained about anything. She just got on with it. Betty even tried her hand at running a successful business for a while. She also inspired me to try various things as well. She taught me that it was better to give and serve others, than to receive. She was totally selfless. That is what made her great. She was kind and thoughtful. She made me feel so special. It is only later on in life I have come to appreciate what she gave. Her unconditional generosity was unmatched and she set a very good example for others. Mums do a lot of the tough work in a family, and I think it takes an adult to really appreciate a mother's love. Betty loved the things that many of us take for granted. But most importantly, she loved me. I had one of the best mum's a child could hope for. Let me now share something with you. I would like to read you a poem that I think fits very well here. I know that as I read this, we can feel Mum listening with us, comforting us, living in us. Mum, this is the one true memory you left that we will cherish, until we meet again - it's called - "To Those I Love And To Those Who Love Me" When I am gone, Release me, let me go, I have so many things to see and do. You mustn't tie yourself to me with tears. Be happy we shared so many years. As always I give you my love, You can only guess how much happiness you gave me. I thank you for the love you have shown me; But now it's time I travel alone. So grieve a while for me, if grieve you must. Then let your grief be comforted by trust. It's only for a while that we must part, So bless the memories within your heart. I won't be far away for life goes on. So if you need me, Call me and I will be near. And if you listen with your heart, You'll hear All my love around you is Soft and clear. And when you must come this way again, I'll greet you with a Smile, and say "Welcome Home". It brings a tear to my eye knowing all of the lives she has touched. I will always be grateful for my mum's love, friendship, support and guidance. Thanks for everything mum, you did a wonderful job, thank you. Your loving son will remember you forever. As I said before I know my mum would not want us to be sad today, though I think you'll agree that it is impossible to let her pass without some tears. But please pledge with me today, because I know she would want it this way - remember her only in joy and happiness. That is the gift she leaves for all of us. Keep her in your heart and hold on tight!